If this relationship were a cake, what would it look like? How would it taste? I have never much dreamed of being a bride, for reasons both personal and anatomical, but have long been fascinated by the odd, uniquely impossible questions asked of them.

The ones above, for instance. Is it not ludicrous to think that the special and sometimes eternal bond between two people could ever be captured by some combination of sugar, flour, eggs, baking powder, vanilla extract and $548?